Words Of 'Wisdom' From Yogi Berra

Baseball great, Yogi Berra, is known for his slanted view of the world. Or rather, his ability to speak his mind, even though what he is saying, isn't exactly what he is thinking.

The following is a collection of statements Yogi has made, some of which I have repeated to our teen-aged daughter. She thinks that the guy in the AFLAC commercial who is getting a haircut at the barbershop, is real funny... Enjoy.

"They give you cash, which is just like money." (a posed, AFLAC statement)

"This is like deja vu all over again."

"You can observe a lot just by watching."

"Think! How the hell are you gonna think and hit at the same time?"

"You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there."

"I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early."

"If you don't know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else."

"If you can't imitate him, don't copy him."

"You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six."

"Baseball is 90% mental - the other half is physical."

"It was impossible to get a conversation going; everybody was talking too much."

"Slump? I ain't in no slump. I just ain't hitting."

"A nickel isn't worth a dime today."

"Nobody goes there anymore; it's too crowded."

"Do you mean... now?" - When asked for the time.

"I take a two hour nap, from one o'clock to four."

"If you come to a fork in the road, take it."

"You give 100 percent in the first half of the game, and if that isn't enough in the second half you give what's left."

"90% of the putts that are short don't go in."

"I made a wrong mistake."

"Texas has a lot of electrical votes." - During an election campaign, after George Bush stated that Texas was important to the election.

"Thanks, you don't look so hot yourself." - After being told he looked cool.

"I always thought that record would stand until it was broken."

"Yeah, but we're making great time!" - In reply to "Hey Yogi, I think we're lost."

"If the fans don't come out to the ball park, you can't stop them."

"Why buy good luggage? You only use it when you travel."

"It's never happened in the World Series competition, and it still hasn't."

"How long have you known me, Jack? And you still don't know how to spell my name." - Upon receiving a check from Jack Buck made out to "Bearer."

"I'd say he's done more than that." - When asked if first baseman Don Mattingly had exceeded expectations for the current season.

"The other teams could make trouble for us if they win."

"He can run anytime he wants. I'm giving him the red light." - On the acquisition of fleet Ricky Henderson.

"I never blame myself when I'm not hitting. I just blame the bat, and if it keeps up, I change bats. After all, if I know it isn't my fault that I'm not hitting, how can I get mad at myself?"

"It ain't the heat; it's the humility."

"The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase."

"You should always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, they won't come to yours."

And to clarify the above statements:

"I didn't really say everything I said."